I believe this article by Anjurshri Alioto should be read by anyone interested in what can happen on an extended solitary retreat and how we can all receive holy instructions on how to perfect our practice. Anjurshri attended her second 30-Day Retreat at the Holy Vajrasana Temple from April 18-May 18, 2025 and spent most of it in the Dharma Protector chapel shown above. This is her second installment of her experiences from that event as she promised. Before writing this, she wanted to complete what she vowed to do after she received specific instructions during the retreat. CLICK for her first installment and a better picture of her teacher Ms. Lucy Lentil. Lucy returned with Anjurshri to Missouri with one of her kittens and you may see them with Anjurshri on class ZOOM sessions.
Reflection on My Second 30-Day Retreat: What I learned from Buddha
Part II
Holy Vajrasana Temple and Retreat Center, Sanger, CA April 2025
By Anjushri (Armine) Alioto
“This is one thing that is especially important to know. Buddha-dharma is to be applied to the world and attain enlightenment from the Buddha-dharma cannot be separated from worldly attains. There is no Buddha-dharma that is separated from worldly phenomena.”
H.H. DCB III in Expounding the Absolute Truth Through the Heart Suttra. (p. 332)
A Litter of Kittens
Birth. Life, precious and fragile, began in a tent hammock safe from predators. Momma kitty Ms. Lucy Lentil became one of my teachers. I marveled at her meticulous caring behavior as a mother tirelessly feeding, cleaning, nurturing each of the six kittens. Doing this naturally. Not complaining. Doing what needed to be done to meet each of the kitten’s needs. When the kittens grew, she would feed them in shifts of 2-3 at a time, making sure that each kitten had enough time to nurse. Watching over and tending to Ms. Lucy Lentil and her kittens became part of my daily retreat experience. All of life became my dharma practice.
“Your karmic condition to hear this dharma is the blessings bestowed by the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas”
H.H. DCB III in Expounding the Absolute Truth Through the Heart Suttra (p. 115)
A Bonfire
Impermanence. Non-attachment. Dharma principles were on full display.
Little did Iknow when I began this 30-day retreat that I would be burning my precious retreat journal entries. I was shocked to the core. My stomach turned over and I began to sweat. Anyone who knows me knows I am a copious note taker. The entries were a written record of my experiences and insights into the Buddha-dharma. Under holy conditions I was told by the yidam that I needed to destroy the writings. What? Was this another test? Yes. The dharma principle of non-attachment to self and non-attachment to phenomenon was playing out before me.
Every day during retreat I would carefully write about my thoughts and experiences of the day. Once in a state of openness of mind, I was flooded with new insights into the dharma. The insights flowed one after another. Some insights were in response to a question I asked the yidam, some insights were spontaneous, some answers were to questions that I had not yet formed in my conscious mind. The presentation of some insights was gentle, and presentation of other insights was not so gentle based on the level of my awareness or sense of urgency to correct a behavior or mistaken view. Cause and effect were all around me. No escape. I had to face it head on. Be fearless. Pleasant and unpleasant were regarded as the same. Checking my behavior against each of the 128 evil and erroneous views was a way to identify where I might be going astray. Being honest, straightforward and persistent was a useful approach for revealing that which had previously been hidden. What I learned from Buddha was a deepening of my daily practice beyond the reading of the words and studying Buddhist principles. How do I apply this learning to everyday life? Even the Dharma must be let go. I had to let go of all attachments.
True Buddha-dharma is Difficult to Attain
As a Westerner with a Theravada background, there were many esoteric practices that were new to me. What is the meaning of the rituals and chanting? Why are some things secret? Who are these Buddhas and Bodhisattvas? What is cultivation? How can I liberate myself from the sufferings in this life. How can I help other living beings who are also suffering? I asked the yidam for help to better understand this esoteric path of Vajrayana. This is what I came to understand.
True Buddha-dharma is difficult to attain. Vajrayana is a different type of learning for a very different type of dharma. The foundation of your education is the basis for which you build a different type of understanding. From hinayana you have a foundation and structure for which to build a larger structure. Without the proper foundation, there can be no stable means for building that which is required for saving other living beings from the woes of cyclic rebirth. From mahayana, there is greater understanding. Based on your spiritual capacity, you reside in different levels of teachings. You learn in kindergarten before you can advance to elementary school. After elementary school you advance to high school. You receive a certificate saying you have met the requirements of high school learning and now you are ready to graduate and go to college if you wish further study. This is a big step going from high school to college. Many people do not take that step. They get distracted or there are obstacles such as not enough money, family obligations, or lured by other distractions into unsavory shiny way of life. Only a few go on to graduate school or enter into a teaching position as a professor.
Esoteric practice is like that. You have to have a level of understanding for it to have any meaning. If it is words on a page, then confusion arises. You will not have the spiritual capacity to understand what is being described to you. That is why esoteric dharma is no precious. Not everyone is able to learn the meaning of what is being described. The other reason that esoteric Dharma is so precious is that the methods for learning are not the ordinary way that people learn. Esoteric Dharma transmission is manifested in different ways depending on your aptitude. In order to keep the teachings pure and correct, oral transmission is required. No writing can be altered. It must be by inner learning. Only in this way can the teachings remain pure and unaltered. Inner learning by transmission from a holy one is divine knowledge. Divine knowledge is very precious. The ultimate treasure that must be guarded with your life. That is why many of the Dharmas are called ‘secret’. The secrecy lies in the profoundness of the teachings; the method you have received them and the ability to guard those secret treasures. All will be lost if you are unable to keep those sacred vows. Sharing such Buddha-dharma can occur only when karmic conditions are right. Humanity must be prepared, or the hearing will produce fruit that is not beneficial. We live in this Dharma ending age. All the more important to be cautious and careful with protecting the Dharma. Esoteric Dharma of the Vajrayana is most highly protected because it is the most advanced dharma for the highest level of practitioner.
Dharma protectors are with you for the purpose of structure. Structure is needed to build a foundation that is stable that withstands the weight of the knowledge. If the structure is not stable, how will you be able to help and save living beings? Helping and saving others is the supreme manifestation of the Buddha-dharma. This ability lies far beyond what the ordinary mind can achieve. Enter into the training day and night. Continue to practice cultivation in all the ways you have been taught. The Dharma is working on many levels. The timing of the karmic conditions is based on the ripeness of the fruit of causality. It requires sun, rain, nutrients and time, where there is no time. Causes and conditions need to come together in ways that you cannot now imagine. Trust that the principles and laws of the universe will prevail and brightness will shine. Be steadfast. Be fierce. Be gentle. Persevere. Be compassionate and loving.
This is some of what I learned about esoteric Dharma on a 30-day retreat at the Vajrayana Temple in Sanger, CA
“Train yourself to constantly act in accordance with the teachings of Buddha-dharma.”
H.H. DCB III in Expounding the Absolute Truth Through the Heart Suttra (p. 333)
I realize that I must continue to transform and purify myself. My three karmas are not consistently in alignment when I became agitated, irritated or when feelings lead me into unskillful behavior. Better to be silent and quiet my mind when these emotions arise and carry me away. How can I help others when I have a muddled mind? Then, there will be two tangled and confused minds. What a mess. I resolve that the best way to truly benefit others is to correct my own behavior. I must day and night resolve to cultivate myself regardless of the circumstances that appear before me. I must keep remembering that appearances are empty and that they should be viewed correctly. Do not rely upon appearances. Do not be a believer in appearances. What I learned from having a bonfire of my retreat notes is not to use phenomena in any form as criteria for judging my spiritual progress or regression. The bonfire served as an action to sever my attachment even to the Dharma.
My Portable Practice: A Summary
The retreat was a lesson for me on how to merge daily life with the cultivation practice of the Dharma. I will continue to use the 128 evil and erroneous view to check my three karmas and correct my behavior. The law of cause and effect is transformational. Failures are the building blocks of successes. Without failures there would be no successes. Karmic retribution is inevitable and will help me on the path to liberation. The Buddhas and Bodhisattvas use these views as their dharma practice of enlightenment.
I offer the merit from my cultivation to all living beings. May all living beings be free from suffering and attain complete liberation.
I offer deep gratitude to H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III and the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas in the 10 directions who guide us and benefit all living beings.
Blessings to our Master Zhaxi Zhuoma Sang Da De for her tireless work in bringing the Buddha-dharma to all living beings
CLICK for “Second 30-Day Solitary Retreat at Holy Vajrasana Temple-Part I.”
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